small things

Sitting beside him, smiling at his irresistible charm, I began to realize how unusually accustomed I had become to his presence. I, of all people who hadn’t missed a soul in life time, missed him terribly on his absence. He continued with his narrations of one of those unforgettable days he had spent with her, his first and only love. I couldn’t but adore his sensitivity, his passion, and care. He spoke of her with such care and utmost detail, that he dragged me back to when it happened.

I poked a little to make him blush, and his sarcastic laughter rang in my eyes, the color on his cheeks was high. He always tries to create a careless atmosphere to hide the pain in his heart, that he could never tell her the way he felt. I don’t know if it was the fear of rejection, or losing her friendship or simply the fear of all his fantasies to be with her being destroyed, burned to ashes. Hope keeps us all alive, maybe it was hope he was trying to cling on. I don’t think he knows himself either, but it was sheer stupidity to let her go away. He may be confused and doesn’t know what he wants, but it’s always better to embarrass oneself than to kill oneself everyday with unsaid words.

There are times when he looks at me,  just one look that can make me forget so many unpleasant yesterdays, and make my today , no matter how frustrating, so dear. I dare he knows that he has such an enormous impact on me.

Sitting beside him for the past few months, fighting, pretending to get angry, irritating him, listening to his narrations and sharing some of my own, we may not have become the best of friends for I know he has many hidden sides, but I have learned to love the person in him with that smile as I had not known before.

To tell him so would be the biggest crime of my life, for I risk losing his friendship which is priceless. I rely on my friends to help me pass through these painful days when he flirts around with others and talks of her and looks at me as just another friend, until we depart for long and for good. Then I wish not to look back and remember the look he gave me at times for it will remind me of the pain that I lost it twice.