Experience is the best teacher there is
I am kind of beginning to understand depression, and understand a lot about deliberate self harm. When you stop being the cool observer, and wear those shoes, the perspective is so different. I thought people did it for attention. Now I know it's not always that, it's not always that simple. When your pain is so intangible and unrelievable, there's great temptation to cut yourself and feel that tangible pain instead. Focus all you energy and attention on it and hope to enjoy the feeling of being healed, however temporary, as the pain subsides. A form of coping mechanism. And you think that you will find these scars your glory, your battle wounds, something tangible, perceivable, something that you can see, of a war that you are fighting in the darkness of your mind, away and alone. A part of me is glad I am here. If someone who is so loved, and knows that she is so loved can stand on this doorstep, anyone can. I hope I will not succumb and not open that door. B