Small Things

My name is Puja Subedi, and  I  am very attached to my surname “Subedi”.  My religion/tradition/customs demand of me (or every female) to change their surname upon marriage and take that of her husband. I don’t want to. Not only that, I also want my children (I know it’s kind of too early to be thinking about ‘my children’ but let’s just continue the story) to take my surname, even if it is as just a part of their name and not their surname.  I have always wondered, and felt sad at the thought, “why the children take only the father’s surname? Why is it so that they take only the father’s lineage forward? Why is the mother forgotten? Why does the child not carry forward her name, her legacy when it was her who carried the child in her womb for 9 months suffering much distress and then gave birth with such immense pain? Why is it so everywhere in the world?”  Today, after many years (I must s ay) of wondering and feeling sad about it, I  have an answer that explains much, a  satisfying

As a woman, who do you think is your enemy? Who do you think is your oppressor? Who do you think binds you from reaching your utmost potentials? Look closely, it’s not the men, it’s not the society either. Guess who then? It’s us. We women are our own enemy. We are the quickest to judge, judge our own kind. We judge a woman far more than we judge a man. From what she wears to how she talks, to who she talks etc etc., we always have something to say, an opinion to give on what kind of a girl she is. (Not what kind of a person, what kind of a “girl”.) I will try to make my point with different scenarios. I have not experienced firsthand any of it, so I might be incorrect in some things, or even everything I say, and I would be glad to be corrected. Let’s take a married couple. Situation A: the husband is having an extra-marital affair with another woman. The wife may have an outburst of anger directed towards the husband, but she will blame the woman. She will blame her for woo