Small Things

"It's in your head, get over it!" Is a frequent statement made by people, who are probably more sorted out in their life. But how does it being in my head not make it real?  I mean, hallucinations are real to the people experiencing them. You can not treat hallucinations by saying "It's in your head, get over it". If one could, I would have to choose a different field of study.  It's real. It's freaking real, here in my head. And it influences the emotions I feel, the decisions I make and the actions I take. It also influences my reactions: fight, flight or freeze. And you can't change me by saying "Get over it".  Have you ever thought that I would if I could. Everyone is different. We are born different. And that makes each individual's life experience different. You cannot compare any two human being, any two life. "He can do it, why can't you?!" STOP doing that.  Parents stop comparing your children. Teachers stop c

I am struggling to keep my thoughts together, keep it sane Struggling to keep my calm and have some grace Struggling to hold back my tears that are flooding the gates Why? I do not know; answers I have none   All around me I only see the mistakes I have done I feel the glare of disapproval I hear my own thoughts echo the humiliation Why? I do not know; answers I have none   I am struggling to keep up pace, step to step Struggling to hold my place, be strong and firm Struggling with thoughts that say, “not good enough” Sigh…deep breath* Please help me god!   “Focus on the positive” I can’t do All I see is failure, I see no good Don’t want to think myself as weak, yet here I am Sigh…deep breath* Can’t this battle be won?   I look at me and what do I see?! What do I have not that one would need?! What is this overwhelming anxiety?! I do not know. Answers I have none   But a hundred thousand questions That judges me and my capabilities Questions my existence and necessity Sigh…deep breath*

So, I had been thinking about a topic to write about. Something happened today that affected me quite a bit. I can’t really say how much of it was frustration, how much of it anger, and how much of it just disappointment. So instead of studying, I began searching for articles, and found many, titled: Is psychiatry a dying field? Are psychiatrists becoming a rare species? What is the attitude of medical students, interns and other medical professionals towards Psychiatry and Psychiatrist? Should psychiatry change its name to reduce stigma? And personally, the stigma is real! The world is going through a change, where mental health is given more and more importance. Depression and suicide are now being recognized as more than just weakness of a person. But the attitudes towards people with mental illness and even those who work in this field have not changed much over the years. The History of Psychiatry extends to ancient ages, one of the first articles regarding curing men

Who am I? Honestly, I don’t know. Am I my ideas, or am I my behaviour, or a combination of both? Or so much more. I wouldn’t know what to say about me if someone asked me to describe myself. My perception of even my physical appearance is distorted. I am still struggling with my identity. I just keep wondering if it is everybody or it's just me, or this is just us minority and nobody really gets it. The turmoil in my mind as I try to come to terms with the vastness between how I see myself and how others see me; but I think how I think others see me is also tainted by my own opinions of me.  (where am I going with this?) Let’s simplify it. Until a certain point in my life, I think I was a confident little girl. I don’t remember having trouble approaching people, talking in front of a crowd, or even performing in front of a crowd. But I was always sensitive, and was even named “runchi” (cry baby) by a neighbour when I was young because I would cry so easily and so often. (To be hone