Small Things

I know that I haven't written in long long while... but I hope this post will kind of make up for it. On failing to present a history of a patient, I was asked by my consultant to write 5 full pages of explanation as to why I did not have the history. 5 pages is a lot... I have not even written five pages of essay or even short stories that I so love to write. Anyhow I managed it, and am off the hook, and this is what he said to me "You get to keep your stud on the same side." (He had warned me that if I failed to produce my homework the next day he would rip off my nose ring and put it on the other side of nose- that would have hurt...sigh*) So here is that famous 5 pages of explanation for your perusal. "Respected Sir, I, the student who did not take the history of Mr. ..., who had been admitted to ward 8 on 07/11/2014 and transferred to ward 12 and back and forth and then transferred to Medical Intensive Care Unit on 10/11/2014, would like to, in these few

Its not easy, to stay all day standing up and ask yourslves to make the best of it, the brain becomes resistant within the few hours of the morning. There's so much to learn, so much i wanna read, but then am too tired and sleepy to do anything, the first thing i need is some sleep. But while i sleep time moves on and am back on my feet and my brain has already shut down firmly. Things to read accumulate over days, now over years and    its so much that thinking about it gives me stress, and stress is best handled by some well deserved sleep.  And there are days when i open my book, sit down and study, i have hand-written notes to show for it. Time ticks by, i keep looking at the watch, barely an hour, i need a break already. 5 minutes of break turns to hours, its time for a meal. The eyelids turn heavy, no point struggling now, nothing is going to go in. Things remain incomplete.  The next day someone asks me on the topic i studied last night, and i realize that i don't rememb

My confidence continues to crumble, By the tongue I can neither speak nor understand. I smile through the blank phases in my mind. It is but my fault that I can not learn. Even though I am taught to pronounce a word over a hundred times, I follow, and I try my best, When I wish, I could just sit and cry in earnest. The things I try, to make myself understood, I unabashedly speak nonsensical phrases, Over and over too. I just nod my head as they narrate all I need, Half of it is more than I can heed. I smile when they smile and that's the best I can do, They stare at me and are probably thinking, "is she a fool?!" And am smiling at myself thinking, "well, this is awful!" But you have to admit, It's... Well, it's funny too.

Right in the middle of nowhere, jumping high, feeling low, a new day. What comes, shall be the one that goes, like the hours I see being struck, Hold on dear thought, don't run wild, am growing old before the day's old. Wrinkled eyes, dried lips, waiting for the ocean drift, hold, hold, hold some more, heart is bold but my blood runs cold. And the hour strikes, and my dreams crash, get up and see the sunrise with tired eyes, Holding hands, he leads her in, "Daddy daddy" says her queen. Teary eyed I stare at them, home is far, my heart despairs. Tears well up, but I can't cry. The song that stings has a pleasant vibe. Atleast I know someone's there, a home awaits full of love and care. My dreams alive with their every smile. On my pillow, the tears flow, shame and guilt I left ashore. When the tears stops, a smile will glow, in gratitude of all my woes. I woe for I have someone to care for.

Can’t get the image out of my head: In India, a girl gets molested, in broad daylight, in public and no one lifts a finger to help her. Instead the people are videoing the whole scene. Amazing isn’t it? Shocking!! And the News says that the police came in, watched the show for half an hour before intervening. There were 7 rape cases reported from the same area in 48hours. Men claiming proudly that they “eve tease” women because that’s what makes them men and that’s what women are for. Women can walk in trousers and skirts, and get teased; they can get out in Salwar kameez and sari, and still get teased. They can even wear Burkha with Hijaab, and cover themselves from head to foot; it still doesn’t protect them from getting eve teased. And people say it’s the clothes that provoked it. Where did the logic go?? Politicians, policemen and people in high ranking posts tell us to tell our sisters and daughters to not wear short clothes (like it really makes much difference), to not

I speak, don't speak. I often feel like stitching up my lips. I smile, I laugh, True feelings trapped inside. The words won't flow, my smile won't glow, Darkness, Darkness. All the faces I see, are a blur to me, I seek for familiar ones, the ones I know better than my own. I could just sit and cry, If that would help my aches dissolve, "It's all inside my head," I say I pause... Understand, smile, turn around. I can't deal with this right now. My feet are here, on this solid hard ground, My thoughts are wandering, seeking home. I wanna go, I wanna go... "It's all in your head," I say. Take a deep breath, hold it. Lose myself for a while, May be that's all I need right now. We usuall say, "Don't be sad" or "Be happy." But sometimes its better to say, "Don't feel. Just don't feel. Don't feel anything." Am not goanna feel. Just pass these phase, move on.

I want to sink into oblivion, Slip out of memory, Paint myself in invisibility So that I can be who I wanna be. Am tired of being judged, For the way I feel, Am scared of looking in the mirror And disappointing people who ain't me. Am tired of this life, This life, where am merely a "wanna-be" I wanna discard all perceptions and run free. I want to sink into oblivion, Slip out of memory, Paint myself in invisibility So that I can be who I wanna be.

Staring at the mirror, feeling low.  A tear shines and then it goes. Life’s like quicksand, and I can't stand, I can't stand. I am crying in earnest now But I can't hear my sobs. Am just goanna rest my head on the pillow and let it soak. Right now I feel like I can't take it more, take it anymore. Things I didn't do haunts me most. Paper scattered all around, I close my eyes and rest my head for a while. Think, think don't think, There's too many things. Life goes on, everything is wrong. I put on my shoes and am chasing time. I was always slow but now I know how it feels, To be left behind. I keep telling myself that life is long. I got to keep pushing myself and that is going strong. One step at a time is not good enough. Time leaps ahead when I am barely sitting up. I have lost the race before its end. Is it the end of my hope? Am I losing faith? What is the point in lamenting? Who really cares? And what if they care too? It’s not goanna make me