Small Things

"It's in your head, get over it!" Is a frequent statement made by people, who are probably more sorted out in their life. But how does it being in my head not make it real?  I mean, hallucinations are real to the people experiencing them. You can not treat hallucinations by saying "It's in your head, get over it". If one could, I would have to choose a different field of study.  It's real. It's freaking real, here in my head. And it influences the emotions I feel, the decisions I make and the actions I take. It also influences my reactions: fight, flight or freeze. And you can't change me by saying "Get over it".  Have you ever thought that I would if I could. Everyone is different. We are born different. And that makes each individual's life experience different. You cannot compare any two human being, any two life. "He can do it, why can't you?!" STOP doing that.  Parents stop comparing your children. Teachers stop c

I am struggling to keep my thoughts together, keep it sane Struggling to keep my calm and have some grace Struggling to hold back my tears that are flooding the gates Why? I do not know; answers I have none   All around me I only see the mistakes I have done I feel the glare of disapproval I hear my own thoughts echo the humiliation Why? I do not know; answers I have none   I am struggling to keep up pace, step to step Struggling to hold my place, be strong and firm Struggling with thoughts that say, “not good enough” Sigh…deep breath* Please help me god!   “Focus on the positive” I can’t do All I see is failure, I see no good Don’t want to think myself as weak, yet here I am Sigh…deep breath* Can’t this battle be won?   I look at me and what do I see?! What do I have not that one would need?! What is this overwhelming anxiety?! I do not know. Answers I have none   But a hundred thousand questions That judges me and my capabilities Questions my existence and necessity Sigh…deep breath*