Small Things

I am back, back…and the sun is already setting in my eyes. I am trying again, again…to find that spirit lost in vain. I am smiling, smiling…to keep the tears away, I am lying, lying… to hide my pain. I am listening to songs, trying to find words that describe this ache. Its agonizing, not being understood, not being able to make others understand.  It’s awful, the feeling of being trapped in your own disabilities. I m lost, I m lost…that’s what my inner voice says. I need a path to take me to light, where destiny awaits. What is destiny, what is future, what is present and what is past? Clock ticks by, one merges into other, and nothing makes sense. And I am still lost, as the future descends. Fear holds me like prison, pulls me in like quick sand. I am scared of talking much…I don’t want to tell you what I think; I don’t want you to laugh at me. I am trying so hard to seek meaning of my existence, trying hard to blend in and win. Why do I always find myself

I have learned too well to fear you oh world, always worried about what you are goanna say next. always unwilling to follow you but never finding the courage to let go of your hand, fearing what am goanna say to myself when judgement day arrives. I do feel like saying, "this is my life and what I want counts" but again I think, "my life ain't just mine, I owe it to some people in this world, some very special people, and any decision I make I will always need to consider them. And considering them, I always end up considering your norms... Your norms feels like bars of a prison, sometimes it makes me feel secure, sometimes i feel suffocated inside. i don't have the courage to break your rules, get rid of those bars, because I know I am nothing extra-ordinary, and am not one of those who came on earth to make a significant difference, am just a drop in the ocean. So I have no courage to break free, always scared, trying to please through and through. I hate yo

"Love me like I love you, only then will you know what fool love can make you." I had someone in my mind when I thought of this line, but when I laid back on my bed after updating it as my Facebook status, I suddenly felt like my mom was saying to me that very line..."love me like I love you, only then will you know what fool love can make you." ...How many times has she sacrificed her sleep to put us to bed, how many times has she sacrificed her needs to fulfill our desires, how many times has she given up on her share, just so that we have more than we care... She has sacrificed her health nursing us, sacrificed her beauty grooming us...  And then dad's voice echoed to me from the darkness of my room, "love me like i love you, only then will you know what fool love can make you". From the time he became a dad, he has only struggled just so that his children can have a better life than him, just so that they always have what they want and even