Medicine and Sleep

Its not easy, to stay all day standing up and ask yourslves to make the best of it, the brain becomes resistant within the few hours of the morning. There's so much to learn, so much i wanna read, but then am too tired and sleepy to do anything, the first thing i need is some sleep. But while i sleep time moves on and am back on my feet and my brain has already shut down firmly. Things to read accumulate over days, now over years and  its so much that thinking about it gives me stress, and stress is best handled by some well deserved sleep. 

And there are days when i open my book, sit down and study, i have hand-written notes to show for it. Time ticks by, i keep looking at the watch, barely an hour, i need a break already. 5 minutes of break turns to hours, its time for a meal. The eyelids turn heavy, no point struggling now, nothing is going to go in. Things remain incomplete. 

The next day someone asks me on the topic i studied last night, and i realize that i don't remember anything i had read. And the facts that i do remember, i am not so sure about it too. I am so upset now that I question my intelligence. I question everything that i have acheived in life and label myself stupid and useless. All i want now is a bed and a pillow to cry myself to sleep. My head's aching and my heart breaking, am thinking what have i been doing all this while. I want to forget everything and sleep with the promise to struggle harder from tomorrow; work harder than i ever did. 

Did you know that determination is a fleeting thing? Two days later i am telling the same old story.