Sweet illusion.
A dose of truth is like a bath in cold water. It leaves you shivering but with time, u feel warm and better.
Suddenly I realize, I am in a bus among foreigners in a foreign country, knowing not what I am doing here. It's sudden, like the past almost 2 years had been an illusion. As if I was pretending to be at home when I never felt so.
Sometimes when I wake up, I feel like I am back home. And I hear my neighbors chatting away in nepali. Somewhere I hear my mom's voice make a comment and I hear the children shout. Then slowly the language becomes alien, and I know I am not home. I am some place else.
You smile, you laugh, you cry...everyone is judging you, and you don't have the words to explain. It becomes suffocating at times, like you are an animal in a zoo, everyone is waiting for you to make a wrong move.
I say I love it here, I was lying all along. I am surviving, I am fighting. I am closing my eyes and pretending to be at home.
Suddenly I realize, I am in a bus among foreigners in a foreign country, knowing not what I am doing here. It's sudden, like the past almost 2 years had been an illusion. As if I was pretending to be at home when I never felt so.
Sometimes when I wake up, I feel like I am back home. And I hear my neighbors chatting away in nepali. Somewhere I hear my mom's voice make a comment and I hear the children shout. Then slowly the language becomes alien, and I know I am not home. I am some place else.
You smile, you laugh, you cry...everyone is judging you, and you don't have the words to explain. It becomes suffocating at times, like you are an animal in a zoo, everyone is waiting for you to make a wrong move.
I say I love it here, I was lying all along. I am surviving, I am fighting. I am closing my eyes and pretending to be at home.
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