Drama of the mind

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Sometimes life comes crashing down on you with a single realization, and for a while you do not know where you are, what you should do or where you should go from that point onwards. I have had these crashing realizations one after the other and all about the same thing. what I chose to do everytime was to let life go on, let things go on, and see where it takes me, to a better place or worse because at that moment there I didn't know what I was heading to, or should I change my course. There was regret indeed but I didn't know if the regret was going to get bigger if I walked away or if I kept walking.
Since then I have taken my chances and kept walking prepared for pits and abyss, and have met none. But what I didn't realize was I was walking downhill, down a gradual slope into a deep valley from where there is no return to the top. But there is a paradox to this, am in a good place, things worked out for the better. As much as it is bad, it is good at the same time, at the same level. 
Where do I go from here? Today is the day of one of those crashing realizations? And this time I wanna run... I wanna run away to my ruin, because ruin seems more justified.
What am I feeling right now? And what do I know to be true? I know am just a piece of trash.... and I wanna tell the world that I don't give a s**t. I wanna run away from this and give myself a chance to prove to myself that I am better than this.

The end.

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