Just the beginning
I remember the day of our selection interview, 25th February, 2010. It's been a long time since. Sitting in front of a large panel of people, I opted for MBBS. I remember the excitement and satisfaction when I saw MBBS written beside my name and putting my signature on that piece of paper. and the exclamation of joy when I learned I would be placed in Sri Lanka.
People are sometimes forced to choose their courses, sometimes in accordance to their parents' wishes, sometimes in accordance to their situation in life and some students take whatever opportunity provides them. It was not so for me. In fact my mother clearly expressed her worries and skepticism about me taking medicine. I met many people from the very profession and all of them advised me against it. Dad, though he favored me taking medicine, told me that he was fine with whatever I chose as a career path.
Though I knew this may not be the profession for me, for it requires much hand-skills and people-to-people interaction, which is in absolute contradiction to my personality, and even though almost everyone I knew advised me against it, I couldn't let go of a childhood dream, not when it was so close for me to grab it.
I remember, I cried like hell from the night my exams were over till the night before I got selected , scared that I would not make it, that I had failed myself and lost my dream.
Here I am, a medical student. 2years 9months ago I was crying and begging god, to be here. I was prepared to throw my life for the sake of being where I am now. And here I am today.
and I am thinking, "Why am I here?"
Today was my first day of clinical appointment. I can say it's going to be fun. Today was the first day I palpated an enlarged thyroid on a patient. I know at every step I will marvel at such experiences. But still, when I step back and look at my surrounding, I have to ask myself, "What am I doing here?"
I could hardly catch much sleep last night, worried about today, tomorrow. True medical life is only just beginning, every tomorrow I will carry a greater responsibility, the responsibility of learning more, a whole lot more at every step. I am already at my wits end. Is it normal to be so anxious? "Am I meant for this?" I ask myself over and over again, and am scared that the answer is "No".
How I passed my last two years in medical school, I do not want to reflect. The classes I bunked, the books I never touched, the hours I slept, the things I don't know... I am not proud of any of it.
The result of it all is, Here I am, a 3rd year medical student, whose slate is probably emptier than that of a first year student.
I cried and begged god for something. And god granted my wish where he rejects millions of wishes.
I want to try and work hard from here on, to prove, more than to anyone else, to myself, that this hasn't all been waste.
People are sometimes forced to choose their courses, sometimes in accordance to their parents' wishes, sometimes in accordance to their situation in life and some students take whatever opportunity provides them. It was not so for me. In fact my mother clearly expressed her worries and skepticism about me taking medicine. I met many people from the very profession and all of them advised me against it. Dad, though he favored me taking medicine, told me that he was fine with whatever I chose as a career path.
Though I knew this may not be the profession for me, for it requires much hand-skills and people-to-people interaction, which is in absolute contradiction to my personality, and even though almost everyone I knew advised me against it, I couldn't let go of a childhood dream, not when it was so close for me to grab it.
I remember, I cried like hell from the night my exams were over till the night before I got selected , scared that I would not make it, that I had failed myself and lost my dream.
Here I am, a medical student. 2years 9months ago I was crying and begging god, to be here. I was prepared to throw my life for the sake of being where I am now. And here I am today.
and I am thinking, "Why am I here?"
Today was my first day of clinical appointment. I can say it's going to be fun. Today was the first day I palpated an enlarged thyroid on a patient. I know at every step I will marvel at such experiences. But still, when I step back and look at my surrounding, I have to ask myself, "What am I doing here?"
I could hardly catch much sleep last night, worried about today, tomorrow. True medical life is only just beginning, every tomorrow I will carry a greater responsibility, the responsibility of learning more, a whole lot more at every step. I am already at my wits end. Is it normal to be so anxious? "Am I meant for this?" I ask myself over and over again, and am scared that the answer is "No".
How I passed my last two years in medical school, I do not want to reflect. The classes I bunked, the books I never touched, the hours I slept, the things I don't know... I am not proud of any of it.
The result of it all is, Here I am, a 3rd year medical student, whose slate is probably emptier than that of a first year student.
I cried and begged god for something. And god granted my wish where he rejects millions of wishes.
I want to try and work hard from here on, to prove, more than to anyone else, to myself, that this hasn't all been waste.
A few years down the line, you'll say "Thankgod, God answered my prayers" cuz not many get to live their dreams! =)
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