Fear

Hello,
It's sort of difficult to describe what I am constantly feeling. It's feeling terribly weak in the knee , always fearful that the ground that am standing on will disappear.

I like my comfort zone, and here I am beyond it all. Everyday I take a step beyond what am comfortable, beyond what I am confident. . My anxiety has made home deep within me,  exhaustion feels bone deep. I feel like I have not rested in ages, that no amount of good-night's sleep can do the trick. I don't remember the last time I slept well. It feels like this has been going forever  and I am failing myself over and over again.

I keep doing everything as said, even though the very thought of coming forward races my heart, the very idea if travelling alone feels me with dread, and all those early mornings leaves me feeling stressed. And yet day after day I am here, and yet I have made no progress. I am constantly wrapped in thoughts that have no beginning and no end. It goes round and round and round. One problem leads to another, with no solutions. Only thing I can do is wait. But time is running out.

I am just waiting. Hoping. Praying. Always scared that the ground am standing on will slip from beneath my feet and I will fall and keep falling, find no bottom to build myself up from.
I see no other side. I am scared.

What am I feeling? It's fear really...

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