Rant

Okay,  so I keep thinking I should write.  But about what?  I actually have a hell of topics going on in my head,  but I don't think I can pursue just one.  My head is all over the place. 
Last couple of weeks,  I have stressed myself out,  tried too hard and achieved absolutely nothing. And when you don't give yourself time,  attention,  it's... I don't know,  for me it was like, I was always tired, I never felt like I got enough rest or enough sleep,  even though my working hours were not bad.  It's apparently all to do with your mind. 
I was stressed stressed and stressed.  I still am,  but I guess not so much. 

The thing is,  medicine  (as of the moment,  the subject and not the whole course), makes me nervous. It's so vast and rapidly changing and advancing field, and its vague,  most of the time. I remember appearing my medicine final exams and I was near wetting myself. 
So am doing my medicine appointment for internship, and have to stay on-calls,  and it just scares the shit out of me, just thinking what if i have to resuscitate someone at any given time.  It's not that I think I can't do, I don't know if I can,  but what if the person dies because I was not competent enough.  And you know you can't be competent until you get your share of experience.  And it scares me. (this whole thing is basically stupid).

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